I didn’t sleep that night… the night I heard I have cancer… by Babette Labuschagne.
“Are they going to remove my breasts?” “Chemo???” “My hair is going to fall out, if I have options I don’t want Chemo” “What if they only remove one breast?”
I met with Dr Lucienne van Schalkwyk the day after my diagnosis. I immediately liked her and knew I was in great hands.
“Babette, the cancer you have can only be treated with Chemo”
“….” No…, my hair… am I going to lose my hair?
“After 6months of chemo we’ll have to do surgery”
“…..” my breasts… but I like my breasts…
“Both breasts? I don’t want one fake breast” “I don’t want fake breasts”
“I would recommend doing both breasts, like Angelina Jolie did, for prevention.”
“Yeah that’s probably better”
My anxiety would kill me day and night…
During treatment I’ve mourned my breasts every single day. I’ve never been a “fake” type of person.
Yes sure, I’ve had hair extensions, and I wear make up… but I’ve never felt I’ve needed botox or fillers… I’ve never felt the need for a “boob job”.
This diagnoses immediately robbed me from every single thing that made me feel feminine and sexy. I still cry about this every day.
I am a single woman… the worst thoughts I struggled with was “who would want someone with big scars on their breasts…?” Turns out, some really great guys don’t mind them at all!
And as I am typing this I have little hair, no eyebrows, no lashes and waiting for them to remove my breasts.
My hair will grow back, my eyebrows and lashes will grow in.
But my breasts… they’ll be gone forever… and fake.
I get angry when I read and hear people telling me it’s an “amputation” of my breasts. It’s such a harsh way to describe it. It hurts.
I felt this torn up about them until one of my friends told me this..
“Babette, your “fake boobs” will be the most authentic part of your body, because you fought the biggest fight to win them. They will be a sign that you’ve conquered something terrible.”
I now choose to see it this way.
I can’t even imagine what it must feel like not to have the option of reconstruction. To be left with nothing but scars. I applaud all the women living or choosing this. Please never feel ashamed of your scars, you got them because you’ve battled in war.